"I don't like Christians"

"I don't like Christians"

That's the opening line on a blog I read this week. It's not a pleasant read at all.

However, I still appreciate it, because she tells the truth, and because I know it mirrors the unspoken feelings of many people that I know, including friends, and some who used to be Christians themselves. And, at times, it has mirrored my own feelings.

This week I sat as someone I love told me that she thinks the Jesus stuff she used to believe is all a fairy tale. I know, because I've seen it before, that if she continues to move away from Christianity she will probably increasingly dislike Christians.

That's tough, folks. It's always been hard for me to deal with, and it still is. Partly because I'm a people pleaser and I very much want people to approve of what I believe and like me (yes, I know that's negative, I'm just being honest here). Partly also because I really do believe it all, and so I mourn with someone doesn't have or is walking away from what I believe is the very thing that is the meaning and purpose of life itself.

In many ways it makes sense that many people don't like Christianity or Christians if they aren't one themselves. For one thing, Jesus makes exclusive claims. Christians believe He is is the "Way, the Truth, and the Life", and that there is no way to God outside of Him. It's rather clear and rather un-postmodern, and people would much rather we believe that He is A way rather than THE way. It's all just pretty uncompromising - and I don't apologize for that.

But really, that's not the heart of what the blogger that wrote "I don't like Christians" is saying. This is from her blog:

Having lived my life among Christians, watching them from the outside, I’ve noticed a common thread among most. The closer ones claims to be to God, the farther one is from their fellow human beings. The man who preaches the longest about Jesus in a Sunday sermon is often the one who kicks a homeless man and tells him to get a job. The one who clutches her hands and comes to tears over the “lost souls” turns her nose up at the desperate masses right in front of her.

I am afraid that too often she is right. My own crisis of faith came not from any any doubt about theology or WHAT I believe about God or Jesus or a particular tenant of our faith (though eventually I had to deal with that). My crisis of faith came from looking around at the church here in the USA and being totally aghast. What I believe was vastly different from what is often represented by "Christians" here in the USA. Maybe that's true in most places, but I can only critique my own culture. I pretty much thought, "I don't like Christians" myself, and then wondered how I could believe in Christ if I didn't like His people, the ones who supposedly represented Him.

I've gotten past that, mostly because I was only seeing one side of things. It's true that there's a lot of people that are either bad Christians or fake Christians or perhaps just broken people just like everyone else, but there's also a lot of beauty and love that you see when you're looking for it. I mean, my friend that talked about all the Jesus stuff being a fairy tale? The people that have loved her most and walked with her the closest through a lot of pain are Christians. So you know - she may not like a lot about Christians, but she has also been buoyed by their love through huge personal struggles.

Still, I find this immensely convicting personally and for our culture. Whenever our "faith" makes us more self-absorbed in a Christian culture instead of moving us out to PEOPLE, then something within that faith is WRONG. That's why I push back or hesitate whenever there's a church program I'm thinking of getting into. Some Bible Study is good, but if I allow myself to be sucked into an entirely "Christian" world, then I have left where Jesus intended for the Church to be.

It's tough on an individual level. My closest friends that have walked away from faith have a tough time being quite as intimate with me, simply because the very core of who we are is now different, and we know it. I still love them, they still love me, but when we come to the point of really talking, most of my motivations and passions are connected to my faith directly and theirs are most definitely NOT. It makes sense - we always gravitate towards people like ourselves. It requires effort and commitment to keep going what once came naturally.

But really, it isn't about what is easy or most natural. My belief and my faith is the center of my life, but how it changes me should be into someone characterized by a deep, life-changing love and grace and joy. Am I that person? No. But I hope I am somewhere on that path to be like my Jesus. I desperately don't want to be a "church person", even though I do want to love the Church. I want to marked by a love for those that suffer, for those that are lost, for the poor, for my neighbors, for the refugees on Park Lane, the freshman girl who is alone and confused, for the people in the apartment next to mine, for the lady that serves Isaac and I at the Mexican restaurant every Tuesday, and.. and.. and...

It's absolutely amazing that we have twisted things so that our faith makes us more calloused and separated from other people. At its very core, the love of God is a love that reaches out into humanity and interacts, pours out grace and love, and redeems from brokenness. The evidence of our God in us is shown when we love like He does.

Clinton tries to explain our motivations to angry Pakistanis

So I came on an interesting news story today. Hillary Clinton has been in Pakistan trying to boost our rather mangled relationship with Pakistan. And of course the news says that a bomb blast in Karachi was timed for her arrival - whatever, we're so arrogant! There have been suicide bombings almost every day for two weeks because of the Pakistani military's push into Taliban-held territories. It's not about us.



Anyways... I was interested by a line in the report about Clinton's visit that mentioned that she visited a local college in Karachi and spoke to an auditorium of 400 college students, as well as having several other direct sessions with people from the Taliban-controlled area. She opened the floor and took questions, which resulted in many angry appeals from the people. I thought that was REALLY interesting and good, and I wanted to know what was said.



This is from an AP article about the talks.

During an interview broadcast live in Pakistan with several prominent female TV anchors, before a predominantly female audience of several hundred, one member of the audience said the Predator attacks amount to "executions without trial" for those killed.
Another asked Clinton how she would define terrorism.
Earlier, in a give-and-take with about a dozen residents of the tribal region, one man alluded obliquely to the drone attacks, saying he had heard that in the United States, aircraft are not allowed to take off after 11 p.m., to avoid irritating the population.
"That is the sort of peace we want for our people," he said through an interpreter.
The same man told Clinton that the Obama administration should rely more on wisdom and less on firepower to achieve its aims in Pakistan.
"Your presence in the region is not good for peace," he said, referring to the U.S. military, "because it gives rise to frustration and irritation among the people of this region." At another point he told Clinton, "Please forgive me, but I would like to say we've been fighting your war."
A similar point was made by Sana Bucha of Geo TV during the live broadcast interview.
"It is not our war," she told Clinton. "It is your war." She drew a burst of applause when she added, "You had one 9/11. We are having daily 9/11s in Pakistan."
Capturing a feeling that Clinton heard expressed numerous times during her visit, one woman in the audience said, "The whole world thinks we are terrorists." The woman said she was from the South Waziristan area where the Pakistani army is engaged in pitched battles with Taliban and affiliated extremist elements -- and where U.S. drones have struck with deadly effect many times.

I thought this was interesting - Clinton distinctly telling students that her approach through President Obama was different than what they had experienced for 8 years through Bush, and the students actually applauded. This is one of the things I am so relieved about with having Obama in the White House - Pakistan and places like it may not welcome him unreservedly, but they are willing to hear him out in a way that they no longer would with Bush.

As a way of repudiating past U.S. policies toward Pakistan, Clinton told the students “there is a huge difference” between the Obama administration’s approach and that of former President George W. Bush. “I spent my entire eight years in the Senate opposing him,” she said to a burst of applause from the audience of several hundred students. “So, to me, it’s like daylight and dark.”
Clinton likened Pakistan’s situation — with Taliban forces taking over substantial swaths of land in the Swat valley and in areas along the Afghan border — to a theoretical advance of terrorists into the United States from across the Canadian border. It would be unthinkable, she said, for the U.S. government to decide, “Let them have Washington (state)” first, then Montana, then the sparsely populated Dakotas, because those states are far from the major centers of population and power on the East Coast.
Clinton was responding to a student who suggested that Washington was forcing Pakistan to use military force on its own territory. It was one of several questions from the students that raised doubts about the relationship between the United States and Pakistan.

Here's another quote:

"What guarantee can the Americans give Pakistanis that we can now trust you?" one student asked, "and that you guys are not going to be betraying us like you did in the past?"
The reference was to the belief among many Pakistanis that the U.S. favors traditional rival India.
"I am well aware that there is a trust deficit," Clinton said in response. "My message is that's not the way it should be."

I am so glad that she was willing to talk directly to people and not just to the government. The people don't really trust their government anyways, and they don't understand what the US is doing and why - it's really important that they understand our motivations, even if they don't agree. And it's good for her to hear how the people feel so we can keep that in mind in our policy-making.

Nasim Zehra is a host of a political chat show on Pakistani TV who chatted with Clinton on the show earlier this week. He said about her: "She's impressive, insofar as she's candid, but there are fundamental policy issues, the most basic one being whether the United States understands the legitimate security concerns that the state and society both face in Pakistan. It is unprecedented that the secretary of state should decide to come and say all of this. We'll now see if she's bold enough to initiate policy change."

Coffee ranting and ravings..

BooMamma cracked me up last week when she asked what the deal was with Pumpkin Spice Lattes (she'd never had one) and she got over 260 comments in response with people advising her about coffee and coffee shops.

Well.

I happen to LOVE coffee.

I love coffee shops and, in particular, lattes. Or sometimes a chocolate cappuchino. YUM.

I'm a little picky about lattes because I worked at a charming little Italian (genuinely Italian) coffee shop called Torrefazzione that Starbucks bought out and shut down (curses!). At Torrefazzione they taught us how to lovingly make a real latte - how to perfectly steam the milk so it was smooth the whole way through, how to hand press and pull the espresso, how to expertly pour the milk so that the espresso mixed in you could make a cool design like they did at Intelligensia when I was there last week.

From Chicago Fall Trip

Yeah. That is a beautiful latte.

Problem is, Starbucks has absolutely no class with their lattes. They have a machine spit out espresso, they keep steamed milk heated and on hand but NOT smooth the whole way through. So, in the end, you get a cup of hot milk with some espresso and spices in it. That's not a latte! Luckily I still like hot milk with espresso and spices, but it's just not the same.

I do LOVE me a pumpkin spice latte - and have you tried the pumpkin cream cheese muffin? That was one of my favorite pastries in the two months I worked at S-bucks after they bought out my Italian coffee shop. I don't mind most Starbucks drinks, actually.

Ohhhh... you know, I just have to mention that Seattles' Best (which was also bought out by Starbucks, but still exists in Borders bookstores) makes the best tasting mocha ever? There's just something extra special about it.

I make coffee at home most of the time, though, and that's where I feel like a coffee failure. Somehow I just can't make it right. I make drip coffee, I make french press... somehow it's always a little bitter... maybe too strong... maybe too weak? I go to friends' houses and it's always amazing and I wonder what I'm doing wrong! One recent remedy has been sweetening my coffee with sweetened condensed milk. That's Vietnamese and I love it...

And really, when it's been raining here in Texas for what feels like six months, what could be better than curling up with my latest book and a cup of coffee.

And with Stank to keep me company

From small group

She lays like that all the time. Yes, I think it's weird. Yes, I tell her so all the time.

But still, I like her. One more perk that came with gaining two great roomies.... we got two crazy cats in the deal. :)

My Trip to Chicago - a glimpse of Moody

I went to college here, at the Moody Bible Institute

From Chicago Fall Trip

It's the heritage of D.L. Moody, evangelist.

From Chicago Fall Trip

It remains passionately evangelical.

From Chicago Fall Trip

They give all students a major in Bible along with their chosen major, and I really think they provide a GOOD education in theology and scripture and all things related.

From Chicago Fall Trip

They also emphasize missions and have been one of the largest missions sending schools ever.

From Chicago Fall Trip

As I've shared before, I have had my struggles with my alma mater, and definitely have mixed feelings at times. There's also SO MUCH I'm proud of and thankful for. I suppose that's true of most things, eh?

From Chicago Fall Trip

If you're Moody alum, you might enjoy this album from facebook of the new president's inauguration... some of them cracked me up and some of them made me roll my eyes.

Orthodox and Catholic Differences

I've been writing a lot about my search into the Orthodox and Catholic churches, as well as the early history that brought about the differences between them. Last week I found this talk on Ancient Faith Radio, presented by an Orthodox historian, "Orthodox and Catholic Differences".

When I first started talking about this I was surprised that when I talked about Orthodoxy, most Catholics I talked to seemed to perceive Orthodoxy as a sort of extension of Catholicism, perhaps simply a different rite? They certainly did not perceive a split similar to the Protestant split. In any case, I was surprised and so wanted to find out how the Orthodox today perceive their relationship with the Catholic church - and this talk explained it all very clearly and simply. You could probably listen for 15 minutes and get the major points of difference and not have to listen to the rest of it, which involves more complicated doctrinal points.

I really firmly agree with the Orthodox church on nearly all points of difference with the Catholic church. Now - to read "The Orthodox Way" and find out more about them broadly, rather than simply in contrast to Roman Catholicism.

I was excited to hear that Orthodoxy is now encouraging the development of an American or North American Orthodox church. Up until now the orthodox representation has been primarily through the churches of immigrant populations - Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, etc. I think that has hindered their growth, because the majority of the population of the US wouldn't feel at home in a church primarily identified with another culture or language than their own.

My Trip to Chicago - the city I love!

My visit to Chicago was busy with responsibilities and I didn't get much time out in the city, but I did get out one morning and snapped some photos. See - I'm lovin it, even though it's cold and wet and gray and was almost the whole time I was there!

From Chicago Fall Trip

I don't mind cold and wet and gray, in fact I rather like it so long as it's limited! Besides, I miss the beautiful fall colors! It was wonderful to get a taste of it and not have to deal with the deadly Chicago winter! Things were just starting to color, especially the vines and small trees.

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

Right after I took the last photo I was met by these two little guys - dressed in coordinating rain coats. Only in the city...

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

And this same morning I ran to get coffee and a muffin since I'd missed breakfast. I love the coffee shops in Chicago, and this is quite a concept. This is a bank. Except you can barely tell because it's also a coffee shop with incredibly cheap coffee, free wi-fi, public computers, flatscreen tvs showing the news, and plenty of places to sit and read.

From Chicago Fall Trip

I wonder if the bank is making money on it?

From Chicago Fall Trip

When the rain cleared out the city was gorgeous.

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

I love how saturated all the colors are after rain.

And I also LOVE Chicago's own Intelligensia coffee, particularly their lattes, which have been elevated to the level of art (thank you, Alysa, for stopping by Intelligensia for me!)...

From Chicago Fall Trip

Ahhhh....

My Trip to Chicago - People I Love!

So remember how I went to Chicago (again)? I got to see these amazing people, some of my favorite in the world.

First and most important, my sister Jana (who at this point was just back from running like six miles, which is sick).

From Chicago Fall Trip

I got to stay in Jana's dorm room and meet her crazy/amazing friends. Good times. Only problem is there's never ENOUGH time! I do so love her, she amazes me.

And then...Alysa! Unfortunately Alysa got a photo of us that I missed, but here are her beautiful kids:
Jackson

From Chicago Fall Trip

and Maddie

From Chicago Fall Trip

And then I stayed an extra evening after the conference I was there for so that I could venture up to the suburbs to see my precious friend Ana. Here's the thing, Ana has a husband and a baby boy - the first of my friends my age to have a baby. I've been such a proud Auntie, and with good reason, because Raphael (Raphy) be any cuter?

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

Ana is such a good mom - so intentional and RIGHT THERE with little Raphael. It really has been amazing for all of us girls watch her morph into the role of a mom with such ease. She has another one on the way now, today she sent me an ultrasound photo with the announcement that it's a girl!

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

From Chicago Fall Trip

Raphy is such a funny kid that constantly cracked me up. He calls me Tia, which is Portuguese for "auntie". He thought the Culby ramp was a slide and had to push himself the whole way down.

From Chicago Fall Trip

Cutest of all, he got all excited when he saw Jana's baseball hat and thought he was SOOO cool when he put it on. Then he saw a football and was beside himself, and so we began a game of catch. See below. Can you say adorable? Yeah. Far more hilarious, though, was when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror in the back of the photo and started posing to catch the football and checking himself out in the mirror admiringly, just like a teenager. SO FUNNY.

From Chicago Fall Trip

Love them. Love them all.

From Chicago Fall Trip

Talking to the Taliban

There was a grainy image of a Taliban fighter on my computer screen last night. His face and head were wrapped in his turban, showing only his dark and intense eyes. He gripped his rifle as he sat cross legged on the ground in a small dingy room. He discussed suicide bombing and whether or not it was good, and then said quietly, "I am willing to do this too."

Creepy, yes. I've been fascinated by the Globe and Mail's interactive feature "Talking to the Taliban" over the past few days. There's a lot of information there, and if you go to the section with the interviews with the Taliban fighters you will see 42 interviews asking all the same questions.

Some of it really surprised me, and some of it shows revealing patterns of how the Taliban think and feel. They definitely showed how entirely uneducated they are, and how little they know of the world. The interviewer asked them if they were familiar with a series of political leaders. They all knew the leader of an Afghani Muslim political party. When asked who Hamid Karzai is (President of Afghanistan), they all angrily said he was either the President or King, and that he was the servant of non-Muslims/foreigners. When asked who Musharraf is (leader of Pakistan) they knew who he was and said he was also the servant of foreigners. When asked who Bush was, only a handful knew, which shocked me. This was much different than the average person I met in the cities in this area - they knew and were angry with Bush. It seems the average fighter is totally uneducated about his enemy.

Those who had heard of the U.S. President often gave responses that revealed more of their parochialism. He was called a "Jew," and "King of America." Sometimes, amid the errors, the Taliban showed their simplistic view of world politics.
"He is the son of George W, [and] he is the son of Clinton W, and he is American, and is a serious enemy of Islam," said one fighter in his description of Mr. Bush.
"Why is he an enemy of Islam?" he was asked.
"The Koran says: 'Jews and Christians will be unhappy until you obey them. When you obey them, they will be satisfied,' " the insurgent replied. "This means if you obey them they are happy, but if you don't accept their commands, they will fight you."
...One of The Globe and Mail's questions offered the Taliban a chance to volunteer any information about Canada: "Do you know about this country? What kind of people are there? Is it a big country or a small country? Poor country, rich country? Cold or warm? Do Muslims live there?" None offered any meaningful responses, and most of them simply declined to answer. One of the few who guessed, a 21-year-old farmer, seemed to think the word "Canada" indicated a faraway city. (from the Globe and Mail)

Another striking this was the response to the question, "What is NATO?". I would imagine many Americans would have no clue about that question, but the fighters mostly answered something like, "A group of 35-40 countries from the West that have banded together to fight Islam". Interesting that they see NATO as against Islam in particular... a total misconception.

One super weird thing to me is the discussion of growing poppies (opium). Most of the fighters said yes, they grow poppies (Afghanistan supplies most of the world's opium). Yet when the interviewer asked them what Islam thinks of growing poppies, they answer that it is forbidden but because they have financial needs, they grow it anyways. Wow. Willing to die for your faith but unwilling to stop growing poppies? I think that was my first clue in a steadily realization of just how CULTURAL their extremism is, rather than being motivated directly by Islam. Islam seems to be partly the excuse rather than the fuel.

For instance - the interviewers asks them why they started fighting, and most of the fighters immediately say - "Because non-Muslims/foreigners came to our country, and we want them out." Wow... I would have expected something about a holy Muslim war, but no... for them it is far more nationalistic. Few mention a global jihad, most just want a Muslim Afghanistan without foreign intervention. It's interested - we fueled the beginning of the Taliban by pumping money to the mujahideen that were fighting the presence of Russia in Afghanistan. They see us EXACTLY the same way they saw the Russians - non Muslims that have invaded their country.

Their ferocity usually had a limited focus, however. A few talked about global jihad -- "This is a world war" -- but most of them gave their fight a narrow definition, usually aiming their rage at the foreign troops and their political opponents within the borders of Afghanistan.
"Why are you fighting against this government?" The Globe's researcher asked a 25-year-old former driver. "Because they are with the non-Muslims," he replied. "If there were no non-Muslims, we would not fight with them, because one Muslim does not fight with another Muslim."

They are chilling in their determination. The interviewer mentions that hundreds of foreigners have died, and ask them how many they think will need to die before the foreigners will leave. The fighters all say - it doesn't matter how long it takes or how many lives. If we have to kill them all, we will.

For instance, a third of the fighters had a family member die in aerial bombings. Does that show that many fighters join because of the bombing, or does it show that a lot of the boming is effectively hitting Taliban-related communities?

Every since visiting this general area I have read and researched and wrestled in my mind with what our best approach is. If they just hate foreigners, wouldn't it just be better to get out? And yet, if you leave a totally unstable society divided up into antagonistic tribes then you have exactly what happened when Russia pulled out. An extremist dictatorial government forms and extremist groups like the Al Quaeda have the freedom to grow. So I guess we can't just leave, but we HAVE to understand that the more Westerners are present in the country, the angrier the Afghanis (especially the Pashtuns) will be. We must encourage and identify local leaders and local government. Does NATO have any Muslim members? It'd be awesome if we could get troops from Muslim countries in there, especially given the answer the fighters gave to the question, "Which countries are good for Afghanistan?" They all answer, "All Muslim countries." Of course this is false, many Muslim countries are totally against the sort of Islam in Afghanistan. If only more moderate Muslim countries would be willing to step in and help build a peaceful society!
The New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof wrote this in an editorial this week:

The United States was born of our ancestors’ nationalistic resentment of a foreign power whose troops we saw as occupiers, not protectors. The British never fathomed our basic grievance — this was our land, not theirs! — so the more they cracked down, the more they empowered the American insurgency.

Given that history, you’d think we might be more sensitive to nationalism abroad. Yet the most systematic foreign-policy mistake we Americans have made in the post-World War II period has been to underestimate its potency, from Vietnam to Latin America.

We have been similarly oblivious to the strength of nationalism in Afghanistan and Pakistan, particularly among the 40 million Pashtuns who live on both sides of the border there. That’s one reason the additional 21,000 troops that President Obama ordered to Afghanistan earlier this year haven’t helped achieve stability, and it’s difficult to see why 40,000 more would help either.....

That’s not to say we should pull out, and it’s a false choice to suggest that we should either abandon Afghanistan or double down. A pullout would be a disastrous signal of American weakness and would destabilize Pakistan.

My suggestion is that we scale back our aims, for Afghanistan is not going to be a shining democracy any time soon. We should keep our existing troops to protect the cities (but not the countryside), while ramping up the training of the Afghan Army — and helping it absorb more Pashtuns to increase its legitimacy in the south. We should negotiate to peel off some Taliban commanders and draw them over to our side, while following the old Afghan tradition of “leasing” those tribal leaders whose loyalties are for rent. More aid projects, with local tribal protection, would help, as would job creation by cutting tariffs on Pakistani and Afghan exports.

Isaac vs. Kacie and the ongoing "conversation" about food

I think since we were married (or maybe even before), Isaac and I have been in a constant discussion/debate/argument over food.

Isaac and Chicago Deep Dish Pizza

Me and a Turkish Kebap

I grew up a little island that had to wait for months between shipments of cheddar cheese. My mom had to make her own peanut butter. Most people around ate rice for every meal, tons of green veges, and a lot of fish. Or, if you lived in the highlands... sweet potato.

All that healthy food affected me. Turns out I like it. Give me some sauteed spinach and fish and I'm a happy camper. Fruit is like candy to me. In fact, on top of growing up where I did, I have a mother with an MA in exercise physiology. She knows what's healthy and fed us accordingly. It was balanced by my dad who could live on peanut butter, dark chocolate, popcorn, and Dr. Pepper, but generally our eating patterns were formed by my mom.

Dallas Farmers Market

That's me - I'm not a health freak. I love desserts. I never diet. But still - I fix a vegetable with every meal, I hate nearly all fast food restaurants, I ignore candy, I eat pretty small portions and then snack if I'm hungry. I think I'm normal. However, I think I'm sort of a normal healthy food person.

Then there's Isaac. I think maybe he's normal too, just a normal junk food/fast food lover. We shopped at a super cheap discount store last weekend and he went and picked out a bunch of things to eat this week. Fish sticks. Two bags of chips. Frozen juice pops. A box of cookies. Frozen pizza poppers. Canned soup. Oh, and tamales.

Hmm. This is what is going on internally for me: "Fish sticks? The ratio of actual fish to carbs and oil is NOT good. Then there's all the oil and salt in those chips. The problem with the cookies is that he might eat them all in a day or two. Pizza poppers = totally unnutritious. Canned soup is high in sodium. Tamales are delicious but chances are these frozen ones are made with lard...yeck....."

Yes, you might be thinking now, wow... what a nagging #$&*@. Luckily, I didn't say any of it (okay, admittedly because I didn't want to have to cook most of this week!). My mind analyzes food but I'm pretty much willing and happy to each crap sometimes so long as we have good stuff other times. Problem is, Isaac would probably be happy to eat crap all the time. And he'd probably tell you that himself if you asked him.

It's not that he's totally unhealthy, he's not. He likes healthy food, but he doesn't gravitate towards it, he just eats it if it's put in front of him. So... in our marriage I'm totally the chef, mostly because if I don't cook we'd go out to eat, and if the boy gets to pick off the menu it's never a good thing. Last night I put sauteed zucchini, a pork chop, and a baked potato in front of him and he loved it. However, if left to his own devices he would have had taco bell with a large DP. And if he's given something like pizza or a buffet he considers it a moral imperative to eat as much as he can physically fit into his body.

*dramatic sigh*. I just know that when we're 80 we'll still be arguing over whether or not ice cream should be added to the grocery list or disagreeing over whether we should eat out at Jack in the Box or a cool ethnic spot (always my fav).

Some delicious local Vietnamese !

It's one of those things we laugh at each other about and know we'll probably never change (I will never think it's healthy to get three refills on Dr. Pepper during one meal!), we just keep on "discussing" it every time we go shopping or eat out. Discussing. Not nagging or fighting, because it's done with a tinge of humor and being totally okay with throwing our hands up in the air and giving in.... again.

Do ya'll have the same dynamics in your marriage/food relationships?

The Vatican opens arms to conservative Anglicans

Interesting headlines on Yahoo News today about the efforts of the Roman Catholic Church to pave the way for disaffected conservative Anglicans to join the RCC church.

To quote the article:

The decision, reached in secret by a small cadre of Vatican officials, was sure to add to the problems of the 77-million-strong Anglican Communion as it seeks to deal with deep doctrinal divisions that threaten a permanent schism among its faithful....

Until now, Anglicans had been allowed to join the church primarily on an individual basis. With the new provision, groups of Anglicans from around the world will be able to join new parishes headed by former Anglican prelates, who will provide spiritual guidance to Anglicans who wish to be Catholic. Called personal ordinariates, they will be established within local Catholic dioceses.

The new provision also allows married Anglican priests and even seminarians to become ordained Catholic priests — much the same way that Eastern rite priests who are in communion with Rome are allowed to be married. However, married Anglicans cannot become Catholic bishops.

Fascinating, eh? Essentially the Episcopal/Anglican church worldwide is split between the conservative and growing liberal sides. As this rift widens, the Catholic church is looking at the conservatives and showing them that they have a place in the Catholic church. It'll be interesting to see if many Anglicans respond to this. I doubt there will be a mass exodus into the Catholic church, but that would sure be interesting! How will it affect the Catholic church? The growing numbers of formerly Anglican priests that are now married Catholic priests must cast an interesting dynamic in the RCC church.

I'm working on the second half of my story of faith, but it takes a while to organize one's thoughts!

Being back on campus, four years later

I have spent this whole week in Chicago representing my office at a conference held at my alma mater. I've been staying on campus with my sister and marveling at the reminder of what college life is like. Even when they PLAN to go to bed "early", there's so much going on, so many people to talk to, so much drama... "early" never really happens! The girls dorm is such a crazy place with so much energy... so funny.

The first night I was here I got in on about three dramatic boy stories from girls on the floor, which just made me laugh because it's just so great - I don't think it's crazy at all, I remember what that was like!

It's also beautiful to sit in sessions and chapel times, even though some are boring or dry, it's so fun to sing with the students, to hear gospel choir, to fill Torrey Gray with praise. Beautiful. What I absolutely love about being in the college atmosphere is that it is filled with activity and dreams and hope. So much vitality. It's exciting.

On the other hand, there is very little rest, and between having little rest and having tons of activities, students slowly wear down to total exhaustion, sometimes near breakdown. I used to leave school and sleep for about two days before finally being able to face the world again. I'm reminded of that here.

It's a little crazy to me how many people I know around here. Part of it is that Isaac and I stuck around the city and continued to host groups of students in our home, and we also got to know our sisters' friends. A bunch of other people are like me, returning as representatives and alumni. Some people are just coming through - it's so surreal to sit in Commons and still see familiar face after familiar face. And of course there's the Profs, which is the most fun of all to me. Yesterday I got to have two good chats with old professors that I highly, highly respect and who remembered me (amazing!).

Oh, there you go, as I speak another guy from my generation is walking across the plaza as I watch from the second floor of the ASC. Oh, and there's another. See what I mean? It's so strange. A time warp.

The conference just ended and I'm heading out to the burbs tonight to spend the night with my dear friend Ana, and then tomorrow I head home. I've loved this trip. I love Chicago, even though it's rainy and cold - it's fun to get a colorful taste of fall, especially since I'm returning back to warm Texas! It's fun to see my sister's life. It's fun to wander the streets and breath in the familiarity that I value so much.

And it will be good to go home to Isaac, because nothing is quite so fun when he's not there. :)

One of the profs I chatted with yesterday counseled Isaac and I in the midst of the lowest point of our dating years. We were about to break up, and went to him to get advice in one last ditch attempt to see if there was any way to save the relationship. Dr. Sauer's listened to both of us together and separately and gave us simply, invaluable advice that really redirected and gave SO MUCH hope and relief to us. It was fun to tell him that YES, we did get married, yes, marriage has been amazing, and yes, he treats me well. Dr. Sauer beamed and told me to tell Isaac he was so proud of him.

Me too. It's hard to get any sort of perspective when you're in college and dating and can't see the future and everything seems so uncertain, but man... I'm ever so glad that God guided Isaac and I to each other.

He's my favorite.

How do I deeply dislike and simultaneously love the Bible College I went to?

Right now I am sitting in Joe's coffee shop on ASC II at Moody, my alma mater. I'm watchin the two big trees in the plaza, which are yellowing softly. Culby has about 10 windows open and I'm wondering what crazy guys actually WAN to let the 45 degree weather in. I'm watching a Moody couple next to me play with each others' fingers and remembering the years Isaac and I spent around campus doing the same thing. In a few minutes I'll run over to Sweeting for our next conference session.

Being back in Chicago is so surreal every time I come back, mostly because every time it feels SO familiar. The fact that right now I'm staying in my sisters' dorm room and running from chapel to class sessions (for the conference I'm a representative at right now) makes it all even more like a time warp. It feels so normal. Everything does. It feels like walking into my own home. The bathroom tiles in Houghton... I know them. The smell of the elevator. The smell of the hallways! The crisp Fall weather that keeps your nose and cheeks cold and pink. It all just feels so.... normal.


I love and highly, highly value familiarity, so in some ways I soak this up. It's a little strange though, considering when I left Moody I was pretty bitter with the school for a couple of years, and it hasn't been that long since then. How do I deeply love a place that I have mixed feelings about?

I am glad of a LOT of things. Much of what frustrated me about Moody was 1) the rules and 2) the rather conservative dispensational theology. Number one has changed dramatically in the last 8 years since I started here. 8 years ago we had curfew at... 10? 11? We couldn't wear jeans, we couldn't dance, we couldn't watch movies or go to concerts. One by one, ALL of those rules changed. Yay for that - I'm actually really impressed with how those things have been dealt with over the last couple of years. I don't mind that fact that the guys and girls dorms are seperate, and I don't mind the fact that curfew is still in existance for underclassmen ( now it's like 1am) after all, it's downtown Chicago and safety is a major issue, especially for idiot freshman from podunkville, Midwest. The one rule that I would change is the no drinking rule. I still think that should be a matter of individual discresion and obedience to the laws of the country rather than a school rule. But... all things considered Moody doesn't LOOK as ridiculously conservative as they used to, and I'm very, very glad of that.



Theologically they are still very conservative, though. They still pretty much look for theology proffs that subscribe to dispensationalism, particularly classical dispensationalism. It's not that I specifically object to dispensationalism, it's just that I think it's so narrow, and if you want to teach theology well I wish they'd allow for greater discussion. The caveat for me here is that Moody hires well, because they have some AMAZING proffs. It's sort of to the detriment of whoever it is that keeps holding tight to the whole dispensationalism thing, because the proffs teach theology and history and philosophy so well that you can't help but think outside of the box, really. Hence the fact that there are so many Moody students that are NOT dispensationalists or Baptists. :) I am SO thankful for people like Dr. De Rosset, Dr. Schmutzer, Dr. Zuber, etc.. etc.. and the authors and thinkers that they introduced me to.

So yeah... it's an odd thing to love Moody and still be uncomfortable with much of our history and our current theology. I mean, last night the opening session of the conference was just classic. The full band, old hymns I've never heard before (and wasn't a fan of), and then the inevitable "People Need the Lord" sung wistfully. My sister and her floormates actually had taken bets to see which number of song "People Need the Lord" would be. I mean really? It's an old and somewhat pointless song, why are we still singing it? That's just one instance of an unexamined conservative evangelical culture that I still dislike. However... tonight a guy will be speaking who just wrote a book on exactly that topic, so I'm excited about that!

Some other things that are different now - no id swipe cards now, now the students have fobs. Handy. No missionary barrell! Tragic. New President. In fact, he's the second new president in four years. No trays in the SDR. Purell hand sanitizer dispensers everywhere (thank you, swine flu!). Oh, and when I was up in Sweeting 3 I passed a proff's office and glanced over to see if it was any of my old favorites.... no. It was actually two guys I went to school with. How are they already teachers?? Time flies.

nike shorts and ugg boots

I learned a lot at the Sr. High student ministries retreat for my church that I was a counselor for this weekend. For instance, this is a conversation that I heard from my girls at breakfast Sunday morning:

"Did you see so-and-so? He's wearing the blue camp t-shirt with RED shorts?" *gasp of shock from the girls*

"Oh, and whats-his-name is wearing sweatpants with TENNIS SHOES!" *communal horror*

"I just do NOT understand boys' sense of style. I mean, they'll wear like hunter green with navy blue!" *everyone shakes their head in disbelief*

I looked around at my girls (all freshman) and thought... I must be from a different planet. To me, blue and red go together, and what else would you wear with sweatpants but tennis shoes? It was a bit of a revelation. I am old. I am too old to understand fashion, apparently, because I totally don't get their style. In fact, I'm considering joining this facebook group: Ugg Boots + Nike Running Shorts + Leggings = UGLY. Really, it was amazing to see nearly every high school aged female wearing that outfit around in 50 degree weather over the weekend! This is during sports so there are no Uggs to be seen, but you can at least get the idea of the popularity of Nike shorts!

Nike Running Shorts

It was super fun though. Retreats and youth activities with my church are always interesting for me, because it allows me to take part in a teen culture that I for the most part missed by growing up overseas. When we did come back I felt so insecure and out of place that I hardly took part in anything. So... with that in mind, it's pretty fun to jump in and have fun dancing with my girls at the disco-themed dance party:

Disco Dance Party

My Disco Girls

They were such sweet girls too - two were from our small group and the rest were from another group. I love hearing their hearts and getting in on a piece of their lives. It's a huge responsibility - leading teens. Sometimes it's immensely frustrating when you can't catch attention or you deal with disrespect or just plain not caring... but when you see the depth of their hearts and are able to speak into their lives... that's amazing. This weekend I really was blown away by a few of the girls talking about their lives over the past couple of years, what they've learned, how they've changed. Seeing God grip a kid's heart is amazing.

On the bus

I even got to see them play football against the 9th grade boys and take some of those boys OUT (never mind that the boys were forced to play with their legs tied together, hopping around the field!)

Football

And one of my girls was a finalist in a massive game of spoons, in which the spoons were replaced by plastic flamingos. I have no idea why.

Flamingo Spoons

All around fun. Oh, and on the way back we stopped for lunch at the small town of Canton, Texas. Check out what made the front page:

Canton newpaper

"Sick Raccoon Tests Negative for Rabies". Hmm. Hoppin' place, apparently!

My story of faith

In light of all of my recent musings about evangelicalism, Catholicism, and Eastern Orthodoxy, I think it's a pertinent time to tell my story of faith so far. It helps to understand where I'm coming from.

Dad and I

To tell my story, I have to briefly tell my parent's story, because their faith so deeply formed my own. My parents were both born into families that attended mainline Protestant denominations. Neither family was very deeply involved in church and faith didn't seem play a large part in their childhoods . For my Dad, this changed in high school when he started attending the youth group of a vibrant Presbyterian church in his hometown of Wichita. Through the youth group, some great discipleship, and beginning to read the Bible daily, my Dad's life was transformed, and his life forever oriented in the pursuit of God.

My mom didn't encounter personal faith until after graduating for college. She was invited to visit a local Bible church that guided her to read the Bible and pursue God personally. She too was forever changed. Both my mom and my dad pinpoint their encounter with Christ to local churches and reading scripture. They believe strongly in the power and truth of scripture, and all of my childhood I would wake up and find them in the living room, spending their first hour of the morning reading and praying. I have total respect for the faith of my parents. Their faith has manifested itself in a committed and loving marriage, really gentle parenting of us six children, and moving overseas to be missionaries. They are truly amazing people, and I grew up with a living example of love and faith implemented in daily choices.

So - from my earliest childhood I was taught the Bible. I grew up with the classic evangelical Biblical education through the flannel-graph Sunday school stories, nighttime prayers with my parents, and Christian kids songs. Life was oriented around faith. My early memories often have to do with my interaction with God. I remember making up praise songs while sitting on the toilet, holding prayer times with my dolls, and bothering my mother to death in second grade with questions about salvation and how one knew they were saved.

In the summer after fourth grade, a sudden and huge fear of fires and dying in a fire led to sleepless nights and general panic for several months. When I told my parents, one of the things my mom suggested was to read Psalms at night before going to sleep. Thus began my daily practice of reading and praying - in my 5-8th grade years I had a daily "devotional" time more consistently than I ever have since! There was a slowly-growing intimacy in these times, and when we returned to the US for my 8th grade year and I was deeply lonely, I found God to be my refuge and comfort. I have journals filled with prayers from that year and the years following.

I was a spiritually emotional high schooler. My high school was an international school that was led by missionaries and mission teachers brought from the "home countries". We had Bible classes and Bible studies and chapel and spiritual emphasis retreats and essentially a constant influx of "spiritual stimulus". The community was very international and there was quite a variety of denominations and cultures represented, which I think was healthy. Amidst the school administration and teachers, though, we were definitely taught American evangelicalism, without really knowing that's what it was. I just thought we were "Christian", and anyone serious about faith would be like us.

My baptism

Personally those were beautiful years. Amidst the friendship and the fun of the years in Papua, I intensely wrestled with and sought God. I can look back and identify different significant points, points when I asked myself if I would follow the leading of God on my life, no matter where that took me or how my life ended. I had a string of unexpected and tough things hit my sophomore year and then asked the questions about trusting God in the midst of suffering and trials. I felt as thought I was constantly being asked, "Do you trust Me?"

These were times of deep, deep joy. Singing songs will a heart absolutely full of emotion, having long conversations about faith with people that are still my dearest friends, sitting and watching stunning sunsets over the ocean.... I felt the presence of God and the deepest joy in response to that presence. I experienced a beautiful sense of community with other believers. I read A.W. Tozer, Oswald Chambers, Watchman Nee, and Cynthia Heald, all of which pushed me to think and engage with my faith. I loved my doctrine class and I found theology important AND interesting. I daily spent time reading scripture and journaling prayers. Faith informed and soaked into everything in my life.

Sentani, where I grew up

Looking back, I'm never quite sure how to analyze those years spiritually. They were absolutely wonderful - secure, content, joyful. They were also emotional, and youth tend to be easily influenced by emotion. I know now that you can take a kid and give them an emotional experience and they will, in that emotion, believe almost anything. I know that much of the "experience" of those years was fueled by adolescent passion and angst, but at the same time there was a core of faith that had grown in middle school and really was the center of it all. I think the emotional experiences were often part of the externals that tend to be influenced by whatever culture we are in in the moment. The knowledge of my God and a sense of communion with Him - that I believe was real, mostly because I have experienced it since I was old enough to be aware of such things.

So, I am thankful for those years, even though at the time it was impossible to discern what was evangelical culture and what was truth and faith. I was given the opportunity to seek God. That mattered more than anything.

Precious High School Friends

And then life as I knew it ended and I went back to America for college.... and that will be part II.