Sunday, May 16, 2010

In Which We Are Having a Peanut..... (Yes, that's an announcement!)

****My blog got pretty quiet a few months back. First I got super busy for a couple of weeks, and then.... I found out I was pregnant! The very first thing I wanted to do was write all about it, and I had no motivation to write about anything else as I was trying to process something so momentous. So - it has been quiet around here, but now that we're telling the world, I can finally start posting a few things I've written and saved.

In Front

April 9, 2010

Dear Peanut,
Three days ago I found out about you. I'd been suspecting, but pregnancy tests had come up negative so I figured it was just due to my body adjusting to coming off of hormonal birth control. This week, though, that second line showed up immediately, and my heart jumped into my throat. I had to act normal around your Dad for about 30 minutes until he rushed off to seminary - I wanted to tell him later, when we had time to talk about it. He'd just finished his final exegetical paper  - the last of his seminary years, and was running on four hours of sleep.

I wonderingly got ready for my day, in which I was going to tell my life story and testimony at a staff meeting for my work. I was nervous about that but moved in a complete haze as I tried to grapple with your new little existence!

Bluebonnets - Ellis County, TX  4-4-09

The last few days have been amazing, wondering, joyful, and also slightly terrifying. You are growing and blooming at such a fast rate, I can hardly grasp it. It's beautiful to me, because you are blooming as the world blooms. Spring covers Dallas right now, the weather is so beautiful - blue skies, perfect temperatures, flowers everywhere, new green covering the trees. I always love the Spring, but when what's happening in the world matches what's happening in my body, I wonder all the more. You're growing while blue bells cover the grassy sides of 635, and the roads of Richardson are peppered with their spring flowers. Such a celebration of new life that echoes around me and in me!

I told your Dad that night - it was such a crazy day. He was on a high already from turning in that paper, getting in some fancy new Greek and Hebrew Bible in the mail, and us meeting with my Dad (Grandpa!) for dinner because he was in town for a conference. I wondered if it'd been so busy that I should wait until the weekend, but I figure, this is something we're in together! He'd die if I waited four days to tell him. So, Isaac set himself up as he talked about how momentous this day had been, and when he parked the car I put my hand on his arm and said, "I can top your exegetical paper AND your Bible," and I handed him the positive pregnancy test.

Picture 550

He looked at it and then at me and back at the test in awe and disbelief, and said, "Is this what I think it is? Are you serious? Are you really serious?" And then he hugged me like 10 times in the middle of my tiny Tercel. He's been glowing since - he worries when I work out, he worries when I get in the car, he worries if I'm getting enough to eat, and he's already talking about names. Your Dad has been ready for you for a while now!

Picture 403

That morning after I found out, I went to a Starbucks to think and pray and journal. I wonder, Peanut. What you're like. I'm too aware that nothing is guaranteed. Will you make it into our arms? What will your life be like? I know from my brother Matt that sometimes kids come differently then you expect, and that is a blessing in it's own way... but because of that I don't know what to expect! Are you a girl or a boy? An introvert or an extrovert? What sort of baby will you be? What sort of delivery will we have (ahh!). What will it be like to raise you? It's just so strange to think that from this moment, I am now changed, and I will be in charge of you for the next 18 years. Wow.

I don't know what your story will be, or what our story will be as a family. On the way to work that morning I found myself in tears as the song "How Great You Are" came on. It feels like a song that I can sing AND you can sing, because it's true, you're awfully small right now - like a tadpole, the calendars say.

A thousand sparkling stars upon a midnight summer sky
The majesty and wonder of the ocean's endless tide
And the more I see the more I can't explain
How the one who set the world in place
Could even know my name and I'm amazed, I'm so amazed

How great You are, how small I am
How awesome is Your mighty hand
And I am captured by the wonder of it all
And I will offer all my praise with all my heart for all my days
How great You are, how great You are, how great You are

A million snow flakes gently fall, yet no two are the same
For colors fill the canvas of the seasons as the change
And everywhere I look I see Your hand
Why You would love someone like me
I'll never understand and I'm amazed, I'm so amazed

How great You are, how small I am
How awesome is Your mighty hand
And I am captured by the wonder of it all
And I will offer all my praise with all my heart for all my days
How great You are, how great You are, how great You are

How great You are, how small I am

That's my prayer, Peanut. That your life, me as a mom, and us a family.... would be an offering of praise to His glory, in whatever way He pleases. I really am caught up in the wonder of it all at the moment, as my body creates with Him, and forms your little body.  I am struck with how small I am, and how small you are, but I love you already, and so does your Dad.

Texas wildflowers


junglewife said...

Yay! What wonderful news, and wonderful thoughts. You are such a writer! (something I am not, so I admire that!) Hope you'll keep us posted about the pregnancy and how it's going. Congratulations!

The Bald Guy said...

Yay you! Congratulations! God bless you guys! I'm so happy for you!

Erin said...

Wow, thats great news! congratulations

Bethany said...

Oh my gosh, congratulations!!!! I'm so excited for you!!

Amy B. said...

I've got tears streaming down my face right now. Of course, the fact that my body is also currently full of pregnancy hormones MIGHT have something to do with it. ;) I'm so very happy for you!

Rachel H. Evans said...

Oh Kacie, I'm so happy for you! Congratulations! And what a beautiful way to share your good news with us.

Keep us posted!

Jaimie said...

I am so, so happy for you!!!! You will be a great mom. I have no doubt.

Steph said...

:) :) :) we loves the crispy.

Alida said...

Congrats!!! I am so happy for you two! What exciting news!!

Aunt Barb said...

No pregnancy hormones causing my tears, just the awe of it all. That's how I felt when I found out we were expecting Ailie. I will be excited to read your thoughts as this little life changes yours.

Hans said...

So happy for you Kacie. Looking forward to reading your story over these next few months. x

CM said...

Congratulations!! That's so awesome!

This Heavenly Life said...

SO happy for you both! What a wonderful family you'll be :)


Annette said...

Wow.....great news! I loved the wa!y you posted the spring flowers along with your words.....simply beautiful!! Congrats to you both!!

Lauren said...

I am SO happy for you both! Congrats!!! Many prayers and blessings! ~ L

justaweeblether said...

That's really beautiful. Congratulations!

Rae said...

Yay! I was hoping that this was what you meant when I saw your comment on thatmarriedcouple! Congratulations.

Sturgmom said...

Congratulations!! It's so exciting!

The Gypsy Mama said...

Oh Kacie -

What wonderful delicious news! Just reading this I was reliving all those same exciting emotions I felt the first time we found out I was pregnant. There really truly is nothing like it. Savor ever amazing moment. Journal it. Treasure it. And prepare for the roller coaster ride of love that you could never have imagined.

So many blessings on you both!


Erica Feunekes said...

Congratulations!! Praying all goes well with your pregnancy and that you never feel sick... one can always hope!

Wiley said...

I know I'm arriving late to the party here, but congratulations! Such wonderful news! And you write about it so beautifully - I am touched. I wish you three all the best :)