Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Work post-baby - life is up in the air

At this moment I am sitting on my couch with a  Kleenex hanging out of my nose.

Because... you know... I'm classy like that.

It's been quite a last couple weeks. I feel like crap - but that's the outward physical state, really. Against all odds, I feel okay emotionally, though sort of on a rollercoaster.

It's been super busy at work. I generally like being busy, so that's not all bad. I really like the guys I work for and the conferences and meetings I'm getting in on, so sometimes it's great. The problem is that I get tired... really tired. And this time I don't know if I got tired and so I got sick, or if I was getting sick and so I got extra tired.

Regardless, I got sick. Or rather, I am sick. This is on top of the fact that on Friday, while frantically trying to get everything done for a weekend conference all my bosses were leaving for, I found out that I might not have the same job after I have this baby. We thought we'd worked it out so that Isaac and I could trade on and off watching the baby, and I could be in the office most of the time and work from home when Isaac was in class. Turns out that may not be possible, and while I totally understand that, if it's true then it turns our plans upside down.

And I've been at several activities recently for the small group of girls I work with, and hardly any of them are showing up. It's immensely discouraging.

So. I've been busy, the job situation is up in the air (on top of the financial questions of the summer) and now I'm sick.

Thus.... the whole merry-go-round of emotions.

Here's the thing.
I'm thankful too.

Because... because some of the guys I work for really care about me and really want me to work for them, and so they're trying to work something out... and I'm so thankful for that.

Because I work at a place that is filled with people who love well, and who have revitalized my picture of what a Christian workplace can look like. It is refreshing to work there.

Because when something small is the straw that broke the camel's back and I finally dissolve inexplicably into tears while sitting on my church patio, Isaac actually loves to wrap me in his arms and let me fall apart. As the Kenny Chesney song says, "...Just when it feels like I can't make it through, it sure is nice to just be a woman with you."

Because Isaac got a job last week, and thus we will make it through the month financially.

Because this precious baby is getting bigger, and when he moves it's no longer gentle little movements but crazy stomach-shifting stuff. And that means that time is ticking closer to the holidays, when I get to meet the little man face-to-face and actually hold MY baby.

Because my family are all content where they are, scattered around the world, and because the dang pastor in Florida didn't burn the Koran and thus the city my parents live in didn't riot, and they're okay (the reverberations of the actions of the American church DO echo around the world and affect others, people).

Because I'm taking taking a next-to-free course at Isaac's seminary in the evenings on how people change, which would bore most people but I'm pretty excited about it.


I'd really like to finish this week, get better, and be able to figure out what's possible for our life after the baby is born.

One step at a time, right?


Jaimie said...

I love honest posts like these. Hang in there. I hope you get un-sick soon.

I am so thankful that pastor decided not to burn the Qu'ran. I didn't see that coming...

cclarebear said...

i've been sick for weeks too :( hope you feel better.

pro tip: nasal spray. it was my saviour in china.

and also... sometimes it surprises me that other countries don't have the same maternity leave system that we do in australia (even though we have a long way to go still). at my company at least (which is pretty common), if you go on maternity leave, you're on full pay for 6 months, but you can go half-pay for 12 months.

but the important thing, is that when you come back, they have to have a job available for you. a similar job, with similar pay, etc etc. and if you want to go part-time, they're under an obligation to work something out for you.

and now you're job is under threat because you're pregnant?! that's... inconceivable to me.


Kacie said...

Yeha... hah... your system is SO GREAT for pregnant women. We get like 25 days off or so, that's it. And you can use your vacation and sick days too if you want.

And you do get your job back afterwards, the thing is, I was hoping to work from home part time afterwards, and that was initially approved and then they're reconsidering because I've switched jobs and positions since it was first approved...

So in any case, I could come back to my same job if I wanted, but that means paying for full-time childcare, which is very expensive in the US.... and it would probably be more cost-effective for me to work full-time in a nannying position where I could take the baby with me as well. Plus... I just don't want to put the baby in full-time childcare!

So that's the dillema. If they let me work from home part-time, it'll be awesome. It's still a possibility... we'll see.

Amy B. said...

wait...you get to meet the little MAN face to face? So do you know you are having a boy??? Praying for you, Isaac and baby in your last months of pregnancy. xo