Sunday, October 24, 2010

Letter to Peanut... you're a boy

This is outdated and ended abruptly for reasons I can't remember, so it's about time I just posted it and got it over with!


Dear Peanut,
It is a strange thing for me to think of having a son. Even though I've always thought that as a non-girly girl I would probably parent sons more easily, I'm still not sure what to think about it. Even just these letters, written from the quiet moments in my heart during pregnancy, will probably speak less to you than they would to a daughter.

I remember watching my mom parent my brother - she was a natural at it because she grew up as an athlete and a tomboy. They were matched in their competitive drive, and I remember watching my mom teach Caleb to pace himself while running, and then take such quiet pride in Caleb's stunning paced win in track and field day.... as a first grader.

What will you be like? Will you be, like my brother and my mother, an easy-going athlete who enjoys being outside and adventuring? Will you be like your dad, such a boy but a boy who thrives on engaging his mind in battles of wits? Will you be like my father, the class clown with quiet leadership abilities? Will you be an outgoing tease or will you be the quiet one?

I talk to you now, in the silent way that pregnant women speak to the growing being inside them. You'll kick me and I'll put my hand on my stomach in wonder that you're there, that I'm literally growing you, and that I am your mother. I speak to you in my head as if you could hear me.

This is a fun stage of pregnancy. I'm obviously pregnant but I feel great most of the time, except for occasional days when you're positioned extremely uncomfortably (thanks for that, by the way). This is when I think I understand what people mean by that "pregnancy glow" and talk about how beautiful pregnancy is. Right now I feel beautiful, despite this huge lump in my belly. I feel like this whole growing a life thing is beautiful. I love your little kicks and rolls, and I love how Isaac wakes me up at night when he comes to bed because he always reaches over and lays quietly with his hand on my belly, marveling at your movements.

Yesterday the temperature in Dallas finally dropped out of the month-long heat wave I've been complaining through. Your Dad and I went on a walk (my preferred method of exercise) and I was absolutely euphoric over the cool air. We started talking about your name, which your dad has been set on since he was in college. I've known all along I'd probably go along with his idea but I've pushed back partly on principle and partly for fear that one day you'd hate the name. On the walk yesterday I told Isaac that I'm okay with it, and he was ELATED. He stopped and hugged me about four times in the course of a block.


Jaimie said...

What the crap is the name?!?! CLIFFHANGER. Grats on the boy!

Rachel said...

damn i know this and i can't remember it....arrrrghhh....come on brain!

Rach said...

Boys are great. :) Although I suppose in the baby stage it doesn't matter too much. And you can't put cute little bows in their hair (well....Jason won't let me.....haha), so I am excited to someday have a daughter so I can do that....but everyone tells me that boys love their mamas. :)

Alida said...

I have two sons and I love them both dearly. I wish you, Isaac and Peanut all the best!