Saturday, July 16, 2011

Thoughts from England

I probably have about 10 posts in drafts from this past month, but mostly I just haven't had the time or motivation to write. I increasingly feel the need to write polished posts instead of simply dump thoughts onto this blog, so my motivation to write goes down.

Today, though, I shall dump.

We've been spending the last two weeks in England and Ireland. The purpose of the visit has been three-fold. First, to be a witness (both figuratively and actually as an official witness) at my dear friend Rachel's wedding. Secondly, to spend time with Isaac's family and let Judah and his grandparents get more acquainted. Thirdly, to visit a college in Dublin and sort of test the waters on their need and our feelings about working in a place like that.

It's been great. I simply love my Papua family, and seeing Rachel and her sisters and family as well as Jared and other friends. It was a life marker observed for people that I love, and new spouses and fiances met and approved of.

England has been great. It's my first time in England in the summer, and it's stunningly beautiful, especially after the Texas heat. I'm looking out the window of my in-law's conservatory, and despite the rain today the sun is shining now, and it's gloriously green and the air is always so clear and bright, and the flowers are vibrant, and the air crisp and cool. It's striking that the house is always cooled by just opening windows and doors - the fresh air is so nice. I've just been drinking up the weather.

I always feel comfortable in England. It somehow feels a bit like home, despite never having lived here. The church here is a wonderful little family-oriented church that is always so unpretentious, refreshing after our Dallas mega-church.
Being with family is relaxing and wonderful.

And then there was Ireland, which was a new country for both of us, and while our visit was quick, we just love exploring new places together. And it was refreshing to walk away with the same impression - we are not needed. The school there seems to be excellent, but while other places in world desperately try to recruit us because the need is so great, in Ireland they just don't need us.

However, I feel anxious about our future now. Isaac graduates in December, and I think we're coming to the conclusion that at this stage of life we just can't handle an MA degree for me while parenting Judah. Time and money aren't in sufficient supply in this life stage. I need to look for other forms of training for now, and we continue to look for a school that Isaac can teach at overseas. We're just beginning that process, but the thought of trying to find something, of figuring out finances, of seeing how long I have to hold my job until Isaac has something stable to take over... all of that makes me anxious.

I'm anxious to leave Dallas, actually, but I don't want to leave without something sure to go to. I think what makes me most anxious is the thought of floating without any next step for an extended period of time. That's scary. I hate feeling useless or meaningless.

And then I think - how is anxiety helpful? May as well just move ahead one step at a time. I like my job, Isaac is a good Dad, we're comfortable in Dallas for now, and something will work out for the future. One step at a time.


Melissa said...

*cough* china *cough* *cough*


Sarah said...

This time last year I was preparing to fulfill a lifelong dream of visiting England! I absolutely loved my week there and would love to go back, even move there for a short time. Enjoy the rest of your time in that lovely land. How wonderful you've had the time to spend with good friends and family.

God will provide Isaac with the right job in his timing. We just got news this weekend that a good friend got a teaching job after being the stay-at-home dad and grad school student while his wife worked. It hadn't been their first choice, but it was been wonderful to see God provide and work in their situation. Take heart!

clare said...

cough cough LONDON cough cough

Kacie said...

aww girls. London is pointless because, like Ireland, they have plenty of people within the country that are well trained enough to do theological training themselves. Always best to have indigenous training going on within a culture. There's a lot of places around the world where the church has grown hugely and there's a lack of trained leaders... and a lack of people trained enough to do the training.

That's where we want to go.

And as for China... that is a GREAT spot in terms of need. Unfortunately the government wouldn't let us in to do that. We've have to go in with a cover, and that means Isaac would be busy doing the work of the cover and less training... so... it's just not ideal.

Perhaps we'll go somewhere on the border, though, so that we can learn chinese and be ready when those government restrictions fall.