Monday, February 13, 2012

"I didn't expect" - Motherhood Suprises

Lisa McKay wrote a great blog post called "24 things that have surprised me about motherhood". It's great.

I commented.

One of the things I never expected is that I hate, HATE putting my kid in childcare at church. Okay, it's finally getting to be acceptable, but it's been a long haul that I never expected. When Judah was born my mother-in-law asked if we would take him to the nursery at church. Of course. Why wouldn't we? I wasn't at all afraid of germs or of the workers not being careful.

I've internally battled with the nursery every week. Judah has hated it. He cries big crocodile tears, the kind with the little gasping sobs - the kind he never ever cries at home. It took about 8 months for him to get through a service without them having to call me to come and get him because they couldn't calm him. Because I just knew he was in there crying, I'd sit in the service, unable to concentrate, longing to rescue him, wanting to cry myself. Then I'd sit in the foyer, watching on the screen and snuggling him or letting him wander around happily. We'd try the nursery again for a week, and then it'd be back to the foyer.

Like Lisa, I didn't expect my infant's cry to physically grip me so I felt I absolutely had to get him, hold him, snuggle him, make sure he was okay. That faded as he grew up and Judah communicates differently, but especially when he was a newborn it was amazing the pull of that little cry.

I didn't expect the anxiety that I now know is normal for new moms. Those first few days I was plagued by the thoughts - is he breathing? Is he okay? What if (insert any random irrational fear) happens? Those also calmed down over time, but it's true, there is this super sense of inability to control and protect.

I didn't expect to have a kiddo with fine blond hair!

I didn't expect to currently enjoy an equal role with Isaac as the "fun" parent. I roar and chase Judah around the apartment as he squeals with delight. It's fantastic.I'm absolutely positive that I will later be the boring parent, so I relish it while it lasts.

I didn't expect to have my kid sleep in our room for most of his first year of life. That hasn't really been a choice, though. It's forced by our fiscal situation, in which we have a tiny one-bedroom apartment and in the toss up of whether we have him in the living room interrupting our evenings together or in the bedroom interrupting our lat nights, our leisurely talk time won priority.

What about you all?


Isaac said...

A fun parent... ok. EQUALLY fun... um... suuuure (Because it's Valentine's day, I'll let you believe a lie.)

lisamckaywriting said...

Awesome. Loved this. I am commenting on my laptop, sitting beside my child as he goes back to sleep. He regularly wakes up 45 minutes into any nap and sometimes he'll go back to sleep if I sit beside him for 20 minutes and reach in and put the dummy back in his mouth every time it falls out (average = 27 times). Never expected in a million years I'd find myself doing that. Yeah.