Thursday, May 3, 2012

Tough Sunday Mornings (Life:Unmasked)

Sunday mornings are hard for me.

The apartment is a mess because no one cleans up anything on Saturday. I get up and rush to get Judah and I ready for church, which is a nightmare when Judah is clingy in this separation anxiety thing he's got going on with me in the mornings now. He thinks I'm going to leave him and thus must be attached to me all morning. If I can't handle the whining and give in and try to hold him, he's grabbing for my toothbrush/mascara/cereal/etc.

By the time we walk out the door, I am worn out. Two weeks ago I was quiet the whole way to church, unable to summon the energy or enthusiasm to talk about anything. The next thing is church, which is equally stressful for me right now. I either put Judah in the nursery, which means I watch him dissolve into sweet, sad, desperate tears and then I sit unable to focus on the sermon as I worry about him. Last week  Judah literally tried to climb up his daddy in a desperate attempt to get away from the nursery worker. They called me to come get him 30 minutes later since he hadn't calmed down at all.

The other option is to "listen" from the TVs in the lobby as I follow Judah as he runs circles around the campus, attempting to keep him from climbing up the stone stair cases and hearing about 1/3 of a the sermon (and I have a hard time concentrating on sermons when there are no distractions around me!).

By lunch Judah is missing his nap and is whiny and wiggly, which sometimes makes trying to eat and carry on a conversation with friends an exercise in futility.

Three weeks ago I just couldn't do it. By the time I left for church I was so discouraged, and it started raining on the way there. The thought of walking the long parking lot in the rain with a baby and heels pushed me over the edge and I drove right past the exit to church and instead drove around Highland Park with my windshield wipers on as Judah and I talked and sang together. Crazy mom? Maybe, but in the end I was so much more calm, and I came home and put Judah down right at nap time and was peacefully finishing the dishes when Isaac came home.

So much for worshipful  days of rest. I think it will get better in the next couple of months, but this year of Sunday mornings have been rough.

I'm linking up to Joy in this Journey for her Life: Unmasked series. This is her description:

Life: unmasked buttonOn Wednesdays, I host a link-up for anyone willing to step away from the pretense that all is well, who will take off their mask with me, and write naked. Being real about our hard days has tremendous capacity to encourage others in their hard days. Life isn’t always good, but we can help each other get through the tough times when we acknowledge the truth. Sometimes the tears are gonna fall.


Kari said...

I so relate to this.

I won't mess with Atticus's nap for church. The few times we tried it, it made all of us miserable, and I don't think going to church should make me miserable. So we mostly didn't go for a long time.

Now we have started going to the early service and I bring him home and give him lunch and then he naps. It is working out much better. I always wondered why people with kids would go to an EARLY service, but now I understand.

Atticus cries when we drop him off, but he stops, so it's less stressful for us in that regard. Poor little guy. And poor mama. Such a hard situation.

Rach said...

That sounds really rough. I feel similarly about a messy apartment. I want to have a fun break from all cleaning and chores on Saturday, and then hate seeing the mess on Sunday. Frustrating.

Things might get a bit easier with Judah when he drops his morning nap. It sure helped us out! J has never minded the nursery, but it is just so much easier to take a toddler out in general when you only have to worry about one nap time!

Amy B said...

Sounds somewhat similar to our Sunday, minus the separation anxiety. The thing that makes it the worst for us right now is that we have to drive a long distance to get to church. It will get better for us, but I am not sure when...

Ellen Stumbo said...

I can really relate...and I am a pastor's wife! A few years ago I told my husband the only reason I went to church was because he was a pastor and I did not have the energy to deal with people that would be asking, "Where is your wife?"
Some Sundays are still difficult as I get myself and the 3 girls ready on my own (I have 2 with special needs) but mostly it is a little easier since they are older.
Sending you hugs!
When you get a chance, stop by and say hi.