Monday, August 13, 2012

My Life Is On Display

This weekend Isaac rolled out a simple website explaining what we'll be doing overseas (I highly recommend Wix.com as a website building site). Immediately someone asked when we were going to open up a facebook page, so we went ahead and opened one. Traffic is driving our way in a big way as all of this is rolled out.

It's what you have to do these days when you're raising support to fund your work overseas. People need to have a way to see who you are, what you're doing, and how to keep track of you.

It's entirely intimidating for me.

The further we get into the process, the more I feel eyes turning to me, looking into our lives.

I suppose it's odd for someone that's had a public blog for years to feel like this, but I do. Blogging has been interaction with lots of strangers over the topics I'm picking. Some friends and family have followed me, but honestly the more people that I actually know start following, the more uncomfortable it is. It's even worse rolling out a ministry website and facebook page, and sending out newsletters.

I love people. I feed off of time spent with people and I love social time. I'm not entirely an introvert. However, I absolutely hate being the center of attention. I found my wedding day pretty difficult because as much as I enjoyed the planning, the expectations of everyone and all eyes being on me as the bride was really not enjoyable.

That's some of what I feel right now. Eyes are on us. Our choices are being analyzed, perhaps judged? Every time we send something out I mentally filter who will get it, what they will think, who will internally groan. A part of me wants to shrink away, back to the quiet life that's not on display. I don't really want my life to be a show.

I do, however, believe in what we're going to do overseas and I love it when people get excited with us. I also hope that this feeling of being overly-exposed will fade as the initial burst of information settles down and I can just share our news and enjoy walking in our life and ministry with our friends and supporters.

I guess it's also a little scary because I have in my head this picture of the idealized missionary personality. I know without a doubt that some of who we are, what we choose, and what we believe will offend some on either side of a number of fences. There's an instinct to be that person that people want to see, to please. I'm resisting. I keep saying that I want people to know who I (and we) really are. If who we are and what we believe is offensive or too liberal or too conservative, fine. They will know that, we will understand, and nothing is lost. I want people who truly know and believe in us to be the ones that gladly cheer us on. Faults, quirks, political opinions and all. :)

6 comments:

Isaac said...

I'll cheer on your faults and quirks... but your political opinions? I'm judging you for those right. now.

Rach said...

I think you--and all missionaries with any level of transparency--are brave. It isn't easy, and I have a lot of compassion for the many missionaries I know, especially those in the support raising process!

Jen said...

We're starting to consider these things too as we get ready for Kenya. I'm curious...what are you using wix.com and facebook for? Is that just for fundraising, or are you using those for updates as well. I hadn't considered doing anything on facebook; did someone recommend that to you? Would love any tips you have! I was just planning to do our fundraising and updating the way I did it for Mozambique, but I feel like even in the last five years technology has changed quite a bit.

Kacie said...

@Isaac - lucky for you, I can handle all of your political judgement and throw it RIGHT BACK ATCHA. :)

@Rach - thanks. :)

@Jen - wix.com is an easy way to build a website so that people can google us, or we can put it on business cards, etc. They don't currently have an RSS feed/blog capability, but are working on it. On facebook, though, if you set up a business page (super easy), anyone that "likes" it will get updates that you post on it. It is actually a pretty handy way to update people, and you can link your facebook page to your wix website.

If you want to see ours, we're at www.isaacandkacie.com

Catholic Mutt said...

I agree that there are not many IRL people that I want to know about or read my blog. It's exciting, but I can see how it would be scary, too!

Annie Peterson said...

I'm cheering, I'm cheering! :)