Dear Baby Girl,
Last week your Daddy, Judah and I all went to the OB’s office for my 20 week ultrasound. A month or so before they’d done an early ultrasound and told us that they thought you were a boy but it could have been the cord and you were too small to be sure. Still, we came away thinking you were a boy, we just didn't want to announce to everyone until it was confirmed at that 20 week ultrasound. So, as I settled down with the jelly spread over the baby bump that is you and daddy tried to keep Judah from fussing or wiggling or climbing onto me, the ultrasound tech confirmed if we wanted to know what gender we’re having.
We said yes, we did, and she said, “You’re having a…… baby girl!”
We both gasped and my mouth dropped open. “Realllly???”
I grinned like an idiot for the rest of the ultrasound as you kicked and frustrated the life out of the lady trying to take all your measurements. A girl. A GIRL! It felt like finding out I was pregnant for the first time, mind whirling with surprise as reality settled in. I cried with joy on my way back to work, thinking, “I’m having a baby girl!”
You know, people want boys to carry on the family name, and I was thrilled to know Judah was a boy because I think being a mom of boys is fun. But I suppose there is something in me that thinks that a girl might carry on the memories of a family, the heart, the legacy as much as a boy traditionally carries a name. I have wished for you, my love, for the heart of a little woman to nurture as your mother and eventually as a friend. To teach you that strength and softness, wild love, adventure, femininity, and the Spirit in you all go hand in hand. I am afraid, too, because I still don’t get the culture of women here in the US, and because my own teenage years were a less than heartwarming time for my poor mom. Still, little one, you’ve been given to us, and we are ready for you.
You will be the little sister of a big brother, and I hope he protects and fights for you and that you don’t torture each other too much! I loved having a brother like your uncle Caleb. Judah calls you “bebe” and will pat my growing belly and talk sweetly too it, but he’s also given you several good elbow jabs as he climbs all over me. Your daddy is still slightly in shock that he will have a daughter. He was immediately worried that we didn’t have any hand me down clothes for you, and he “doesn’t know how to change a diaper on a girl!” And then there is the tenderness with which he views a little girl, claiming he will worry more about you and your safety than about Judah, which is saying something because he already worries!
You are high maintenance in utero, sweet girl. I’ve been sicker, gained weight faster, passed out once, and had more aches and pains despite being more fit this time around to begin with. So, they tell me heartburn means hair. Will you have a head full of hair?
I dream of you now, new baby smell and snuggles and precious helpless little one in my arms. I can’t wait to hold you, and this week is the first I’ve really been feeling you move consistently and it’s made it all come alive, that you are there, moving, kicking, protesting and making your presence known. What will you be like, my second born, my prayed-for girl?