Thursday, May 8, 2014

Waiting

 It is raining outside. A cool, grey Spring rain that's giving my quiet afternoon that constant background noise of rain on an American-style roof. Thunder rumbles in the background, and I'm on the couch in our living room watching the drops fall of the trees that hang over our porch here in Granny's Cabin. The rest of the family is asleep, Isaac and Judah in the other room, and Elly just conked out right here on my arm. I wish you could see her - her soft round cheeks and paci bobbing up and down as she sleeps, fingers clutching the light green crocheted blanket she always has. She's a terrible napper, but she always sleeps best when she's sleeping on me.

We are waiting. Three months ago we submitted visa applications for Indonesia. They remain somewhere in government offices across the world. We have no way of knowing if they will be approved tomorrow or months from now. Our ideal timeline was a total of two months, so we FEEL like we're overdue. We were busily getting ready for a move... but we've been ready for a few weeks now, and we still wait.

I've had many days where that's really hard. I am task oriented and at the moment the job isoverseas and we can't get there yet. I feel guilty because we can't be useful - usefulness being too important to me.  If we are going to have to be here for now, still waiting, I want to be useful. But, for the most part the things we can do here require ongoing commitment, and since we COULD be gone tomorrow, there's not a lot we can do.

I've felt confined. It's partly the season of life of parenting little ones. Small house, tied to the kiddo's schedule, on the other side of town as my friends, only one car, pumping.... a lot of things contribute to me feeling confined.

So I'm trying now to change my mind and heart. Guess what? We are all together. How often in the life of a family are mom, dad, and kids all home together most of the time? That is a gift.

Life in the West is generally busy. So busy. Too busy. We've existed in constant busyness for years too, and even our vacations have been tied to support raising. Now I am given a forced rest and I fight it? True, life with kids is never restful, but because of life right now, when I am up a lot at night, we can rearrange our day for a nap, and that flexibility is a gift.

So, today, I am on the couch listening to the rain, holding my baby girl, thankful that last night we went out and just drove around, exploring and talking. Thankful for our days out, exploring new things about Dallas.

I want to enjoy these moments, take advantage of them.
Visas will come eventually.
Whenever they come, they will have come at the right time.

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