Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Enneagram Type 2 or Type 9

I have been looking into the Enneagram for the first time over the past weeks. I don't know what I am!

I've heard people say that when you find your type you just know, it fits like a glove. I don't feel that way about any of the types. I've also heard people say that when you find your type you know because it makes you angry or embarrassed because it reveals the soul a bit too uncomfortably. I don't feel that way either.

I test as a 2 most of the time. There's a lot to this. I tend to be very focused on relationships, I am a caring person. However while I am very afraid of disproval, I'm not afraid of being unloved or unwanted? That's a subtle but important difference, I think. I do not feel a drive to make sure that people around me love me, though I deeply value fostering good relationships. It seems like 2s can resort to clinginess and manipulation if they are insecure, and that is not my tendency. I have read that mothers of young children can test as 2s because of their stage of life being such a giving and caring stage.

I then read that if you read the types and identify with many of them, you might be a 9. I have never tested as a 9 but much about it fits. I am a peacemaker by nature, always creating peace and harmony in relationships, in structures. I love being a part of groups and my presence usually fosters conversation and good communication and connection, while at the same time I don't like attention fully on me. I thrive in stability, familiarity, connection. I love discussion and debate but only if I can take a middle road, listening to all sides and coming to a peaceful conclusion of my own. This type has a tendency to an emotional spirituality or mysticism, which I certainly do.

However, there's a lot written about how this type moves away from pain and can disconnect and become slothful in order to avoid conflict and lack of harmony or being affected by experiences. I do avoid conflict but I am not low energy at all, I don't avoid pain (sometimes I tend to dwell in it too much), and I kind of push into experiences. However I suppose the sloth might be interpreted as avoiding paths that push me to take a stand  or take the lead?

So I keep swinging between those two and wondering. Which type has the hardest time making decisions, because that's me. Hah.  I guess that the reason I am leaning to the 9 is that I think it is more convicting to think of needing to be a person that makes decisions and can be myself without wilting under the watching eye of others, rather than being someone that can be myself without needing to be needed and paid attention to by others. I think that reflects more the struggle of the 9 than the struggle of the 2.

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