tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post139925597822365145..comments2023-05-14T10:48:53.158-05:00Comments on The Well Thought-Out Life: Ridiculousness in the Discipline/Spanking DebateKaciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06374573594800663980noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post-54874178181698387752015-03-01T23:26:56.148-06:002015-03-01T23:26:56.148-06:00Hah, Lisa, yes! I don't think spanking usually...Hah, Lisa, yes! I don't think spanking usually changes behavior any more than other methods. Sometimes when he's being disrespectful in general for several days it takes Daddy spanking him and that can change things around. But most of the time I find the removal of favorite toys to be actually effective. You won't come and talk to me about what just happened, or drink the antibiotics you need to drink? Fine, then you give up the privilege of playing with the toy plane you're obsessed with. You choose - either cooperate and play or don't cooperate and live without it. Kaciehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06374573594800663980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post-24509249935579106252015-02-25T03:41:48.592-06:002015-02-25T03:41:48.592-06:00Oh, gosh!! This issue drives me crazy, and I'm...Oh, gosh!! This issue drives me crazy, and I'm pretty much where you're at. Dominic is hard-wired to be defiant. He just IS that way. He's not malicious in his defiance most of the time, he's just incredibly contrary, and it's SO HARD TO FIGURE OUT HOW AND WHEN TO BE STRONG AND WHEN TO SELECTIVELY IGNORE, etc. Anyway, all that to say I spank sometimes (as in, uh, most days at the moment he'll get smacked for something). After lots of statements outlining the consequence of his behaviour, and lots of counting to 4, 5, 10 etc. But you know what. I'm not sure spanking is doing much to change the behaviour either, so I'm a bit at a loss. The thing that does seem to bring him into line at the moment is taking away the thing he loves most in the world... the threat of no rides on the green lawn mower. But we're leaving here in two weeks and the mower isn't coming... so who knows where we'll be next on this front.Lisa McKayhttp://www.lisamckaywriting.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post-2408420571029743742014-10-25T07:05:06.104-05:002014-10-25T07:05:06.104-05:00Oh Kacie, how thankful I am that someone else thin...Oh Kacie, how thankful I am that someone else thinks that Shepherding A Child's Heart is not the answer. Again & again our church recommends this book, and again & again I find that it doesn't give answers to the actual situations that arise with parenting strong-willed boys and I don't agree with much of what it does say!<br /><br />We too never found the answer to your question - what to do in a specific situation when your son chooses to be defiant. I kept asking the question but no-one ever came up with a practical solution. So like you we resorted to spanking when there was no other recourse left.<br /><br />I'm sorry not to be able to give you any practical help - I wish I knew the answer. We still struggle with this occasionally now, as at 12 & 10 the boys can consciously make the decision to be defiant. What works at the moment is revoking privileges (grounding them, taking away technology etc) but of course that doesn't help with your situation. :-(<br />We used time out a lot - on the bottom step of the stairs as it's a boring place - but that only worked while they were willing to sit there! <br /><br />You're a great mum & you're doing a fab job. In the end you can only do your best - which is what you are doing. I'm not convinced there is one right way to do it - a lot depends on the child I think. Try different things at different times and find what works for you. It will change over time - so what works now may not work in 6 months time!<br /><br />Hugs from a mum who's been there before you. xxCorinna Mazzottahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12548111721067793001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post-84811233128059403792014-10-18T14:47:35.966-05:002014-10-18T14:47:35.966-05:00Such a frustrating problem! We are in the middle o...Such a frustrating problem! We are in the middle of that with our 3 and 2 year old boys. <br /><br />We've had a lot of luck with 123 Magic, which my mom, who is a social worker, recommended to us. However, the author tells you not to spank, and gives you other ideas to use, including time outs, making them go to bed earlier, taking away fun things, etc. Which is all great for older kids (it's for kids ages 2-12), but my 3 year old doesn't know when I'm sending him to bed 15 minutes earlier!<br /><br />Anyways, we do a combination of time outs (which works for our oldest because he HATES having the door shut on him) and spanking. But we spank out of anger. And one good thing the books says is that typically spanking is just a manifestation of an adult temper tantrum. That is so true for us! I just get so frustrated with repeated disobedience that I pop them on their behind to make me feel like I'm doing something. But discipline isn't there to make me feel better!<br /><br />Anyways, no real answers for you. Just an agreement from a mama in the trenches that it's so so so hard. And when you figure out the best way, please let me know! rachieanniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16891461692390092827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post-2998909858694803172014-10-17T08:43:00.682-05:002014-10-17T08:43:00.682-05:00Yes! I struggle with all this as well. I do spank...Yes! I struggle with all this as well. I do spank, but they are few and far between, NOT "shepherding" style. I also struggled with that book. But, our kids ARE little sinners, just like we are! Spankings seemed to be most effective from about 2-5 years or so. I had to stop with my oldest because it started getting to the point when she was around 5 that she would get so hysterical after a spank that it would take an hour or two to calm her down! Not really effective at that point! And when they get older you can use other forms of discipline more effectively. I have Kevin Leman's book Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours and it has some good advice, a la making the punishment fit the crime. Which is great but I found it hard to apply with standard toddler defiance type disobedience. Anyway, our discipline has changed as the girls have gotten older but now I am going to have to struggle through all this again with our twins :-) no easy answers, sorry! But I think a lot of it lies in Proverbs' "train up a child in the way HE should go..." i.e. Every child is different so truly loving, effective discipline should be tailored to each child, not just a blanket discipline style, which is the problem with so many parenting books...Sarah DeSalvohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14648711711757596328noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6503075388365865696.post-50734202436996184952014-10-17T07:18:53.284-05:002014-10-17T07:18:53.284-05:00I love your honesty! I obviously don't have ch...I love your honesty! I obviously don't have children so don't really know about the theories on discipline or what would work for me, but I have taught young children for a number of years and am now living in the midst of a large mish community with dozens of MKs. So I have plenty of personal opinions on the subject. ;-) I used to think that I was a no-spanking person. However, I see the kids who don't get spanked (who, I'm assuming are being parented Laura Markham style), and frankly we don't enjoy having them visit our home. Over the years I have evolved to believe kids need a good spanking every once in awhile. I think you've got it right that there's a mix of good and bad in all of us, and we need to respond to children accordingly. At the end of the day, I think you find out what works best for your family, regardless of what the books or the evangelical world say. <br /><br />I had a student in my first 1st grade class who started acting up one week. I was on the phone with his mom every day for a couple weeks, and I know she was trying everything she could,but the behavior wasn't changing. Then one Monday he came in and behaved perfectly and kept up his good behavior. When I asked his mom about it, she said, "We tried everything: we beat him, we sent him to bed without dessert, we took away the TV, his toys, his video games. He wasn't allowed to go out and play. But it had no effect. Then on Sunday we told him he couldn't wear his suit to church. He had to wear his regular clothes. He cried and cried; he was so embarrassed. And now if he misbehaves we can threaten him with that." :-) Find out what works with your kid! Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17313059450631443820noreply@blogger.com